Victory Road!

Hello! And welcome to True Pokemon Facts video number two. Today we're going to be looking at the Murkrow.

[The video flicks on, focusing on Princess She Who Devours the Darkness In People's Souls, who looks very dignified while wearing a sparking pink ribbon.]

The name Murkrow sounds like a smushing of the words 'murder' and 'crow' - which is the name of a group of crows and... well... crows. Murkrows most resemble the earth crow species known as a carrion crow. Personally, I think that 'murder' is a terrible name for a flock of crows and think that a story of crows would be nicer. None of the crows that I know have ever committed murder.

But, no one ever asks me about these things.

[She humphs a bit.]

A flock of Murkrows, on the other hand, is called a 'shiny'.

This has to with their fascination with shiny things, of course and they will do absolutely anything for a shiny object.

[A coin goes flinging out like a shot puck and Pickles goes flying out and catches it easily in her beak.]

They also like balloons, coffee and shoelaces.

Some people claim that Murkrows are harbingers of ill fortune but they're damn dirty liars who should [she says something rude in Irish that involves a goat and a rusty shovel] and you should tell them so.

[A serious nod.]

That's a rumor created by people who are clearly upset that their shiny things were stolen by murkrows. But if they didn't want the things taken then they should have kept a better handle on the things. So really it's all their fault.

[Another nod.]

Murkrows are capable of learning to speak human -

[Princess She Who Devours the Darkness In People's Souls croaks out on cue]

Hello Poopy head!

Though it's hard to get them to stop saying things once they've learned it and they will teach it to their children and they will teach it to their children until you end up with an entire shiny of Murkrows saying the same thing over and over again and then laugh at you when you ask them to stop.

Hello Poopy head!!

Yes. Yes. I know.

Hello Poopy head!!!

No. Really. You can stop now!

[Off screen a second Murkrow calls out.]

Hello Poopy head!!

You taught it to the others, didn't you, Pickles?

[A third one joins in the cry. Then a fourth. Meanwhile Pickles looks smug.]

Welp. I walked into that one. Trever'll be proud of me, I guess. Though I don't think the people around here will be happy. Oh well.

That has been today's True Pokemon Facts about the Murkrow. Stay tune next month for our next video!

Hello poopy head!!!

Yes. Yes.

[And the video shuts off.]

[The camera clicks on and on screen is a pidgey wearing a green ribbon. She blinks at the camera as Ceilidh's voice comes from elsewhere.]

Today on True Facts About Pokemon we're going to discuss the Pidgey.

Pidgies are birds with brown and tan coloring and resemble a strange cross between a hawk and a sparrow. They are about point three meters in height and can weigh around one point eight kilograms.

Their wing span is easily large enough to allow them long distance flights.

[The pidgey obligingly spreads out her wings and flies around in a short circle before landing.]

While some people think that seeds, grains, nuts and fruits are their favorite foods, this is, a lie. While they can subsist on those foods a pidgey's favorite food is, in fact, peoples' souls. Whenever you see a group of pidgies hanging around a person and going through their shadow, the pidgies are partaking in their yummy, yummy soul by nibbling on their shadow.

Their favorite types of souls are those of office workers, football players, that stupid person in third year that you knew, people named Agnes and ritual mages. However, they are not picky and will take what they can get. They will refuse to eat the souls of anyone who has eaten beans lately. So, if you wish to keep your soul uneaten, you must regularly eat beans of any type. As long as it has the word "bean" in the name it'll work.

[A bean is offered to the pidgie and it swquaks irritably, banishing the bean with a flap of her wings.]

A pidgie's favorite activity is to take long flights where upon it can gaze at all the world. Pidgies believe that if they can see it, it will eventually be theirs.

They are, despite what they might tell you, trying to take over the world. That's why there's so many of them. They're building an ARMY of them, everywhere! AND NO ONE WILL BE READY FOR WHEN THE PIDGEY REVOLUTION HAPPENS!!

[She takes a deep breath after having yelled dramatically there.]

If you wish to prevent pidgies from taking over the world then you're out of luck. They're everywhere.

They're watching you.

They know where you are.

They know what you do.

They know where the keys to your car or home are and will take them from you.

And then...

And then on that fateful day they will herd all the people into factories where they can harvest your souls to eat and enjoy having soul-less humans at their beck and call. Turning the TV channels for them, spraying them with water for a bath and chasing cats away from them.

Pidgies do enjoy a shower more than a bath and spraying them with water is considered to be quite pleasant. If you're doing the dishes or taking a shower you can spray them so they can clean themselves. A dedicated squirt bottle can also be used.

[Her voice turns raspy.]

If you see a pidgey with two shadows run.

[The camera turns off and Ceilidh's voice returns to its normal tone.]

That concludes our true facts about pidgies episode. I hope you found it informative. More in this series will be released eventually.

Next in the series is the murkrow.

[The screen turns on to reveal a new face - a teenage girl with unnaturally red hair, unusually green eyes and a huge smattering of freckles. She's got the device set up so she doesn't need to hold it letting her sit on the ground and fiddle with a pokeball looking like she's trying to open it. After all there's a seam so it should be able to open, right?]

You know, I realized I was going to get kidnapped by fairies at some point. I mean, it just seems to be a thing that happens in my family. I was just hopping it'd be kinda cooler. Like my mum and aunts got turned into swans by this fairy lord from Rus when I was little and told they couldn't be returned permanently into human shape until they married his sons. And before I was born my eldest cousin got kidnapped by a fairy who fell in love with him.

[She speaks with a very Irish accent - straight from County Cork for those who knows those sort of things.]

This is just kinda... weird. I mean the music is... different. Never heard of something like that happening in fairy before. Or really anywhere else real. I mean it happens in video games and movies all the time but not real life.

If anyone could point me in the direction of the nearest portal or gateway back to the mortal ... [Getting the ball finally open she cuts off as a murkrow appears and then she gets completely distracted by this.]

OH! Hello! Who are you?

[Pause as she listens to the bird croak something.]

You don't have a name? Well...hmm... how about... Princess She Who Devours the Darkness in People's Souls? I kinda like that one. And I can call you Pickles for short!

[This clearly makes sense to her and the newly dubbed Princess She Who Devours the Darkness in People's Souls or Pickles agrees with her.]

It's very nice to meet you. I think I saw a bandanna in this bag I was given, I could probably make you a bow tie out of it. It's rather silly, I mean I can't seem to find a knife anywhere and I can't find that house either. How am I supposed to survive in the woods without weapons?

I suppose I could make a spear from some branches. There are plenty of rocks around.

[... Yeah, she's completely forgotten that she was talking to the great unknown out there...]