victory_road | [closed] February Catch All

"I think I may have mentioned, but who you are now hardly bears any resemblance to the person who did the terrible things you hold yourself accountable for," Claude murmurs. "When you were lost in your trauma, Dimitri, your friends stayed with you because they knew the real you, and they wanted to see you find your way back. And now that you have found your way back, none of us are worried you're going to lose your way again. So those things you've done in the past - they don't define who you are now. They definitely don't reflect anything you're ever going to do again.

"So why should anyone not want to be with you now, just because of what you've done in the past? Just because you were so traumatized for awhile that you were lashing out blindly in the dark? You don't condone the things you did - in fact you can barely forgive yourself for them, even though it was never your fault that you were pushed so far beyond what would be a breaking point for any man. And you're never going to do anything like that again. So...what bearing does your past have on your present? What would us not wanting to be around you prevent? Nothing but association with a good man. And what's the point of somehow punishing you by denying you good things yourself? It won't undo anything that happened. It's way more productive for you to do good things with your life from now on to atone for any harm you've done than it is to retroactively punish you for suffering so much already that you weren't in your right mind. The former option could actually see some useful results.

"And any man working towards good ends...he needs and deserves support. So we're here. We want to be here."

He leans in to press a kiss to Dimitri's forehead. "And like I said - on a personal level, you saved my life. As far as I'm concerned, you've already more than made up for any harm you might've done to me before that. I wouldn't be here without you."

Edited (NOBODY SAW NOTHING) 2021-02-18 05:53 (UTC)

Grant nods and gives Dimitri a gentle squeeze. "Claude's about summed it up, I think. You've done so much good since getting here; there's no need to get caught up in your past when we know you in the present. Every one of us has chosen to be with you, because of who you are now - who you truly are."

Somehow, it feels as though the contact - Claude's lips on his forehead, Grant's arms around his shoulders - helps to calm him down almost more than anything else. Dimitri tries to take in a breath, and ends up sniffling.

"I... I'm sorry. This isn't... I shouldn't have..." Ah. Words are hard. He shakes his head, at least up until Gremlin finally scrambles up the front of his shirt to drape around his neck.

"It was a lot to come down on you all at once, نور چشمم," Claude murmurs, gently combing fingers through Dimitri's hair. "You don't have to apologize for it hitting you hard. It would've been stranger if it hadn't. We're here for you, okay? If you stumble, we'll pick you back up."

He glances down at the faintly defined lump under Dimitri's cloak. "In the meantime...I know you're not the only one missing Dedue. What can we do for her?" This is partly genuine concern for the Budew, and partly Claude's thinking that perhaps Dimitri having something to focus on beyond his own sorrow may help him cope with it a bit better.

With a soft breath of relief as Dimitri at least seems to settle down a little, Grant leans his head against Dimitri's again. He's still upset, of course, still going to need support, but it seems like they're out of crisis mode for the moment. He nods in agreement with Claude's statement, unfamiliar words catching his attention for a moment - probably a nickname, he supposes.

And then there's the Budew. Grant looks down at the lump where she's hidden herself, too, his brow creasing. "Right... she does seem more comfortable with you than us, Dimitri."

Claude, as always, is brilliant. Dimitri immediately glances down to the lump, and where he can feel a tiny little body trying to scramble up in his pants leg again. Delicately, gently, he reaches within his cloak to offer up his cupped palms to her.

In his hands, she seems to be a little more calm even when he moves them upwards closer to his chest. She peers over his fingers, eyes watery. "Her name is Desta," he says softly. "Dedue - he said she always was trying to hide from people. But I was always about..." How to help, how to help... Dimitri rubs his thumb against the size of her... head? Body?

"...She doesn't do well in cold. He had to keep her close."

Edited 2021-02-18 23:28 (UTC)

"I'd be happy to take her, but if she's most comfortable with you and likes you best, then you're probably the best person to keep her," Claude says, smiling a little down at her. "Don't you worry, Desta, okay? Dimitri will take good care of you. And who knows? Dedue might show up again. If he does, then you can show him how big you've gotten while he was gone, and all the things you've learned and seen. I'm sure he'd be happy to see you and Dimitri had gotten along while he was away, and that you were both doing well. He'd want that more than anything."

He nods. "You won't have to worry about the cold, either. Dimitri's got Dean, who's great at keeping people and pokémon nice and warm. He was able to dry snow off my pants without so much as singing a single stitch."

"That sounds like a good plan, yeah. You'll be in good hands - Dimitri's and Dean's." Couldn't ask for a better substitute Pokemon dad, in Grant's opinion.

And Dimitri will have someone to remind him of Dedue. Might be bittersweet, but Grant suspects it'll be better than being cut off from him entirely again.

"Dedue might show up again," Dimitri murmurs, still petting Desta. It's... a reassuring thought. That's right. It's not as though he died. This place is... better than the war.

Sniffling, he looks to Claude, and then Grant. "Could we... My head hurts. Could we have something warm to drink...?"

Claude smiles brightly at him. "Of course. Does tea sound good?" He looks down at Desta. "We could get her a nice little treat, too. It's been rough, hasn't it? But things will get better, I promise. And even when you're sad, having something nice, like a good meal, can make you feel better."

"Yeah-- good idea." He rubs Dimitri's cloaked back gently. "Do you think you can walk to your room with us to get a drink and snacks for you and her?"

"I can get up." He just also refuses to let go of Desta. Fortunately, Dean and the Indeedee are there to help him up by the arms, and, soon enough, he's up on his feet again, looking around the abandoned room. It's still neat, because Dedue has always had to be neat - even when he didn't need to "prove" anything to others. "His things..."

The Indeedee steps forward, patting her chest and giving a small bow. Leave it to her.

Claude takes Dimitri's arm gently. "Come on," he murmurs. "You're not going to do him any good being miserable in here. He's back home, waiting for you to go back there or for him to be able to come back here, but either way, he'd want you looking forward, not worrying about him. Especially when right now, he should be just fine. Taking care of yourself and Desta is exactly what he'd want you to be doing right now."

“Exactly.” He keeps his hand resting gently on Dimitri as the Pokemon help him to his feet, and gives the Indeedee an appreciative nod. “That’s the best thing you can do for him right now.”

"Dedue was always so good at focusing on the important things," Dimitri murmurs, unable to help himself as he leans against Grant just slightly... and attempts to pull Claude a little closer along with him. He takes in a deep, wet breath. "I shall endeavor, as always, to follow his example."

His room feels a little less empty than Dedue's had been, no longer a reminder of what he feels is a failure. It's well used, and warm, and his Pokemon all make sure to stay close while gently pulling his cloak away. The smell of chamomile tea helps clear his head a little bit, and the warmth of it going down his throat makes him feel a little more.... centered.

Not as much as being inbetween Grant and Claude, however, their touch helping soothe him from the lows of panic and self loathing. It leaves him with just some exhaustion, and a slight ache behind his eye.

Desta seems to calm down as well, although she never leaves Dimitri's lap. Instead, she hides behind his arms, burrows against his shirt, and only peeks up for a small sip of warm milk and a small nibble of a poffin. She can't even finish the entire thing; she's still far too small.

Dimitri makes a promise to himself to take good care of her... until Dedue comes back.

And he tells himself that they'll see each other again soon, one day. They have to.

[closed] February Catch All

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