Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, local cryptid (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nastyboy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
victory_road2021-02-03 02:39 pm
nastyboy) wrote in victory_road2021-02-03 02:39 pm
Entry tags:
- ashe ubert (fire emblem three houses),
- chip abaroa (oc),
- claude von riegan (fire emblem),
- dedue molinaro (fire emblem),
- dimitri alexandre blaiddyd (fire emblem),
- felix hugo fraldarius (fire emblem),
- grant abaroa (oc),
- jaskier (the witcher),
- jinx (teen titans),
- karako pierot (homestuck),
- razor (genshin impact),
- sylvain jose gautier (fire emblem)
no subject
But I'm guessing you mean I don't have to worry so much about mentioning stuff like that to you?
no subject
I mean yes you don't have to worry so much but
that's not what I meant.
it's like
you decided what you thought I would think
before I had the chance to think anything
because of other people.
that makes no sense.
I don't know what I'm saying.
[After a minute, another message comes:]
wait.
Claude explained this once.
he said I was projecting.
like I was yelling at him because of expectations
and not actually because of him
and I think he was right.
no subject
So, you mean I was projecting my expectations of how other people would react to me onto you?
no subject
[At least, he's pretty sure that's what he meant.]
no subject
[Okay, do not apologize, do not apologize, do NOT apologize--]
So obviously why I do that or the way i thought of it don't change how it affected you
But if you're interestd I can try to explain?
If not that's totally fine, and either way i'll keep that in mind and try to stop doing it
no subject
sure explain it.
mitya said he wanted us to get to know each other better.
so maybe you explain that
and then I'll explain
I don't know.
something.
you can ask me something.
no subject
The fever has made words especially slippery. He can only hope that this even makes sense.]
So I can’t promise that I’ll explain very WELL given the fever and all that, so go ahead and ask if you need me to try to explaind something differently
Uh I guess first how much do you remember about what Claude and I said about the whole werewolf thing and how that’s affected my experiences? There was a lot going on then i know it might have gotten sort of lost
no subject
I remember
a little.
I just had to leave that room.
not because of you.
just
needed to be alone for a while.
after all that.
you said people thought you were dangerous?
tbh I have no idea how they came to that conclusion.
[Looks like someone is finally learning some internet lingo from Jinx!
A minute later, another message comes:]
that's not meant to be an insult.
you're just
extremely nice.
too nice.
but perhaps that's your point.
no subject
And, yes, that was the general assumption about
I mean all of us honestly. It was a conclusion that came from what i was, not anythin g I did
But what I did could be used to feed into it, if i wasn't careful.
No, I get it, you're right
Including that that's the point. or at least part of it
[And this is... the hard part.]
If I think I might have done something wrong, wehther i think the other person thinks that or not, the way it always feels, because it's how it's always been is that
If I apologize and didn't need to, maybe it'll annoy them, right/ And I don't want to annoy people
But the consequences if I didni't say I was sorry and it turned out someone thought i shoudl have been soryr were always a lot worse
It's like a reflex or at least habit. a signla that I "know" I made a mistkae, and I' msorry whether they think I should be or not
I'd rather be sort of annoyin g and over-cautious than
"Difficult". That turns into "out of control" really fast and I could never afford to be taht
Anyway again none of that chagnes how it came across to you
Which I own't apologize forunless you ask me to.
no subject
huh.
"difficult"
my father used to call me that.
not that it was at all the same thing.
no one was afraid of me for no good reason.
[Felix frowns at the screen. It's too familiar, all of this, but he can't put his finger on exactly why.]
it's stupid.
they should judge you based on what you've actually done.
anyway no don't apologize.
none of us are from your world
and no one here cares what those people think.
usually when people apologize for nothing it's a lie.
to placate me or distract me from a real problem.
but you're apologizing for who you are.
don't do that.
never apologize for you who are.
that's a lie in its own way.
no subject
Ugh that really sucsk, I see why you'd be sick of it
Did people do that whole placation thing to you a LOT?
I don' tknow if it's a lie though to apologize because I think I've made a mistake
If it is I don' tknow what else I"m supposed to do when it happens.
no subject
and will even more when I go back to be duke fraldarius.
people think that if they're sorry enough they don't need to do anything to address the actual issue.
or they try to apologize to me instead of someone they actually wronged.
or they're "sorry" for something that doesn't matter hoping I'll forget I was annoyed about something that does.
or they're seeking my forgiveness for something they did to themselves.
none of it makes any sense.
it sounds to me like you only think you made a mistake because you're afraid they would consider it one.
so if you act like they're right
then you're not being yourself.
you're being the grant they wanted you to be.
maybe lie is the wrong word.
but
it's not the truth either.
and it paints me as someone I'm not too.
if you can't tell the difference
decide who grant is
and then be him.
unapologetically.
no subject
I don't know a lot about nobility stuff but duke is like a big one right? I see how that'd lead into a lot of bullshti from people
I guess so
Sometimes, anwyay.
But I can at leeast do that - the whole bieing me unapolgoetically thing. Though it's the kind of thing that i'm guessing is goi nto take a while to change
no subject
the title of duke is second only to the royalty in faerghus.
my family has been the right hand of the crown since the kingdom's founding.
technically I'm already duke fraldarius
but that only happened recently and we're still at war.
my uncle is watching over the territory for now.
noble politics are nothing but bullshit.
I'm terrible at it.
claude thinks I can learn to master it but
I hate it.
some things do take a long time to change.
but as long as you stay true to who you are and what you believe
then it's worth it.
no subject
Taht's unfortunate. and politics don't sound like the kidn of thing that grows on you as you get better at it either?
sucsk
guess so
sometimes I wish I could be more like my cousin
Apaprently she just changed her whole deal to do the "bieng herself" thing all at once? But she was fifiteen or something back then and herself is a lot more intesne than i could probably be anwyay, so those probbably had to do with it
no subject
I've been blessedly free of it so far.
but once the war ends we're all going to drown in it.
especially if claude really does disband the alliance.
did you really just say you wish you could be more like someone else
while discussing staying true to yourself
in the same breath?
no subject
Evne if it's a boring nightmare the whole way
Yes.
no subject
not to mention ending hostilities with neighboring countries.
and rebuilding after the war.
and digging out the remnants of the conspiracy that led to the tragedy.
which means I'll have to figure out how to run my father's spy network.
ugh.
[Felix snorts in amusement at his Gear.]
all right.
at least you didn't apologize.
what sort of person is she?
other than more intense than you.
no subject
youy're father had a spy network??
Ok I mean of cousre he did, with the nobitiliy and war and everything, ignore that
Making progress arleady
Anyway Erika is....
She's tough as hell for one thing, adn real dedicated to what she sets her mind to evne if other people don't agree with it. And shes' super creative - both in that she makes some of her own clothes and stuff and she has a VERY specific way with words?
Actually you kind fo remind me of her sometimes, what with the toughenss and dedication stuff
no subject
most nobles don't.
house fraldarius is the primary source of intelligence for the crown.
not that I have the first clue what I'm doing.
ha.
good.
oh.
that seems like a compliment if you wish you could be more like her so
thank you.
no subject
Wow yeah that's a lot
It is! and your welcome
I'm realy glad Dimitri and Syvlain and Claude have youaround
I mean I know we don't know eahc other super well and all but you're like
A nial
Nail.
no subject
your messages are getting harder to read.
go to sleep.
no subject
Like it's metal and holds stuff togehter, and keeps it sturdy, you know
Yeah I probably should.
no subject
but you're feverish.
go to sleep.
[He pockets his gear, a faint pink grazing his cheeks. That's absurd. Felix is the last person he'd call the nail that holds them all together. Grant's fever must be cooking his brain.]